Well. SIP is finally ending and im supposed to be happy.

But im not.

Its weird sometimes, especially at times when you desperately want some things or events in your life to go away or end, but when it finally ends or go away, you are at a lost because you’ve spent so much energy wishing and praying for them to end.

In my case, I was wishing, praying and BEGGING for the three years here in Temasek Polytechnic to end.

However, something bigger is waiting for me at the end of the stretch of this run in Temasek Polytechnic – my future.

What’s going to happen after graduation?
What will I pursue?
Will I further my studies?
Should I start working to pay my education loans?
Should I pursue my dreams??
To be an artist?

To be a lawyer?

To be a chef who’s afraid of the heat in the kitchen for beauty's sake?

Or my personal favourite: a FASHION designer?
Will I be able to strike rich with my dreams and live happily for the rest of my life?

The biggest question of all: what is my future going to be???

I am very worried about my future, because it will or may determine what kind of life I will lead for the rest of my life. If I pursue a law degree, am I limiting myself as to the choices I may have later on in life?

Someone told me that it’s better for me to further my studies than to start working and then studying after that.

It’s not that I don’t plan, but it’s just that the future is so unpredictable that I don’t like to lay down my odds so early in life; but then again, it’s never too early to plan for anything, like the motto of my previous CCA – Be PREPARED – the girl guides motto.

After much reflections, I find that my biggest obstacle isn’t my unplanned plans, or my unrealistic dreams, or is it my never-ending questions; it is MY FEARS of the future, of the unknown ahead that is pulling me back – back from stepping ahead, back from moving on in life – and the reason why I am always living in the past.

I can’t move on if I am constantly afraid of the future and the things it may bring.

If I can’t move on, I will be constantly dreaming about the future and not do anything about it. I know very clearly that dreaming doesn’t bring me far; in fact it doesn’t bring me anywhere at all.
So now I sit here asking myself: what’s left of these?

What’s left of my life, my dreams, my education and my future?

But I’m still sitting here and I’m still not giving deep thoughts to my supposed plans.

But what ever it is, tomorrow will always come and the future is just a day away, so why don’t I make the best out of me today which was yesterday’s tomorrow that I feared.

What a lame conclusion but isn’t this what people’s doing everyday?
Telling themselves to make the best out of today and live the day complaining about it?
See, I’m not the only one who’s afraid.

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