secrets on feathered ink...Rainbow ♥

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Today is probably one of the days in history where i wake up early - not for school, yesss! - and simply open my eyes to witness the break of dawn.

Not that im suffering from Insomnia, but i do suffer the weirdest sleep disorder - SLEEPWALKING. Scary huh. The point is quite rarely do i motivate myself to wake up early in the morning at 5+am for anything that is beyond obligations.

Today my sister left along with my mum and the maid to Genting Highlands. So, I will probably eat weeds, ok, more like Maggi, and shed some tears when I miss my sister, or even my maid, seeing how spoilt I am that staying in the household seems to be a bigger chore than to actually do them.

I guess some things will never change – how I rely on people especially when they are paid to be relied on and the habits of human nature.

It was said by a sociologist, I can’t remember who – another habit of mine - that habits form by people or the habits they exercise everyday of their lives become a mark on them. This mark cannot be changed – like how the leopard will never change its spots, but however can be replaced with another behaviour. Simply speaking, if my habit is that I tend to rely on people too much, I can replace it by doing things for myself in a continuous cycle so that it becomes my replacement habit.

I would be glad if the list ends there with me being just lazy, but there are always these many tendencies that lies within me like a parasite to be habitual which I can name a list which will go beyond what I intended to write here. There are trademarks about me that can’t seem to go away, duh, so they are MY TRADEMARK.

Being late, may I stress NOT fashionably late but late as in for minutes past someone’s patience, to the point of being hours-ly late for appointments with people. The strange thing is that I will never be so late for classes; maybe it was the effect of having work and tangible STRESS when I do go for classes that made the push.

Being a pushover is certainly not an image I carry but sometimes I do sway to being that just because I don’t want the person to get hurt or feel miserable about themselves if they consciously know that they can’t control me. Allowing acts or manners to be inflicted on me isn’t a sign of weakness, sometimes it just goes to show how unbothered I am to deal with the issues the people were trying to put across to me. Therefore, although sometimes I behave like a pushover, please reconsider that thought, because sometimes I just can’t be bothered with the fuss that you are throwing.

Being there for someone seem more like a MUST-DO than a sincere-can. Therefore some resort to being physically there to show how they CARE. Ultimately, it becomes a chore instead of the age-old definition of being there for someone. The more outrageous ones even TELL you that they are there for you but stray FAR from the fact; being the ONLY fact and truth is that YOU are the one who is there for them ALL THE TIME and for you to hear (not listen because the things they say are perpetually on a replaying-loop tape) their cry-outs on their pathetic life with ever-recycling problems that they don’t want to deal with, yet speaking of which ALL THE TIME. It makes one feel sad sometimes being the FACT that they are friends to others, but none for them.

Being desperate is DEFINITELY an image a few of my friends carry. It is their need of constant companionship that they feel naked otherwise. Well, some actually went to the extent of being naked for the sake of that constant companionship they used to enjoy. That wasn’t a trademark they use to carry, but it just became such an important need that they sub-consciously give in to every want of their partner that they become desperate when the time calls for it.

Some things beyond me and within my closest circle of friends like trust and communication have been broken before, some due to the fact of their habits like the ones mentioned above. It was like watching a black-and-white film that is jammed on the rolls, stuck at the scene where it hurts the most, but later brings no emotion to watching it as it merely becomes an image on the screen when the significance of it dies away.

These things that never changes become more than a habit of a person, it complicates into implications it brings to the people around them and those implications which revolve into the consequences surfaced today. Habits are a subconscious thing, whereas consequences are a FACT that lies straight to your face. That’s why when consequences occur, some develop new habits – like censoring their ears or eyes and pretending the fact isn’t there. When that censorship occurs, the issues will literally become the tape, ever-rerunning, ever-repeating scenes which give the illusion of having Dejavu-s.

But everything aside, the thing that never changes is the friendship we share – no matter how many threads and needles have been used to sew the pieces back.

some things never changes, yes i do agree, but it would be nice if the good things that doesnt change someday surmount those bad ones because life is too short for those things that never changes.

06:46